Fatty boemstix

Fat. Flobbly. Dimpled. Bloated. What do you think a terribly fussy vegetarian with a spastic colon who hates exercise and wants 2 lose weight should eat? Cardboard perhaps? It seems 2 me that everything edible contains meat, at least 5g of fat per serving or is gas-forming. I bought what should've been an exceptionally flattering bright blue one-piece costume from Foschi that looks like a long boob-tube top made of costume fabric with a broekie underneath. You know what? I tried it on & felt like Tannie Sannie, still fat, still flobbly & dimpled. How disappointing. I have 2 .5 wks in which 2 lose weight & Simply Slim does not work 4 me. Sigh. Any ideas? Anyone?